I Think Grant Should Be Ashamed Of Telling Two Women He Loved Them (I Don’t Believe In Him But Wish Him Well In His Engagement With Juliana)

The Bachelor season 29 star Grant Ellis played a dangerous game when he told more than one woman on the show that he loved her – while every woman is different, it’s safe to say that most will be disgusted, irate or both when they discover this type of betrayal. The players of the world know that you need to do this kind of sketchy stuff in the shadows, not under the glare of intense scrutiny from costars and viewers.

Basically, the woman you’re playing isn’t supposed to know what else you’re doing – that’s “smooth operator” 101. It’s such a basic rule that it shouldn’t even have to be explained. Call it the spycraft of faux love – call it whatever you want, but when it got out that Grant was telling the same stuff to more than one person, it wasn’t pretty.

Maybe Grant isn’t fond of confrontation, and tried to avoid it by telling everyone what they wanted to hear (until he eliminated them, anyway), but really, honesty is the best policy.

Right now, Litia Garr is processing Grant’s decision to propose to Juliana Pasquarosa, and Litia has every right to be upset and angry. Grant seemed to sweet-talk her in a way that I felt was cruel. Why tell a woman you’re going to propose if you aren’t? That’s a very mean trick. While he might have been confused at that point, and really believed he was going to pop the question to her, maybe he wasn’t confused at all. It has to be said that he may have known he wasn’t going to offer her a diamond ring.

Grant Let Litia Down

She Trusted Him

So, The Bachelor‘s Litia Garr sails into the finale, secure in the knowledge that all of her dreams are coming true. She’s found her dream man, he’s into it, and she’s going to get the fairytale ending. A ring she can show off, a man she can count on – maybe some babies down the line (adorable, of course) and the picket fence and the whole nine yards. The life she’s always hoped for is right at her fingertips… all she has to do is wait until he gets down on bended knee.

What does she get instead? A big heap of humiliation. How ungentlemanly! How crass! How cold! It must have chilled Litia to the bone when Grant asked another woman to marry him.

This is the kind of stuff that makes lovelorn partners research “sociopaths” online. Sure, The Bachelor‘s Grant Ellis probably isn’t that conscienceless, but it’s harsh enough that she probably wonders if the man she was “with” was secretly evil. Her rage, and women are trained to repress that, is, in my opinion, healthy. She’s reacting to being deceived and then shamed on television, in front of millions of people.

Her feelings matter to me, and I care about her well-being. However, the fact that Grant made this terrible blunder doesn’t make him evil – just too weak to tell the truth.

Grant Was A Wishy-Washy Lead

Brutal Honesty Wasn’t His Style

Our weaknesses can seem evil, making us seem like atrocious human beings, but most people aren’t straight-up evil. They just let their weaknesses get the best of them. Now, it’s all about hearsay – Grant’s defending himself, the story’s shifting, and people need to decide who to believe. But really, isn’t Litia’s pain, which is so hard to fake, a sign of truthfulness? Look at her face in the clip above – look at her eyes. She is not faking his distress. That is a very sad woman.

She is reeling after this messy situation imploded. She’s in disbelief. I give a lot of weight to this – it’s quite possible that she’s been traumatized by her stint on The Bachelor, and that is heartbreaking.

Litia claimed Grant told her he was going to get engaged to her. What we do know for sure is that he said “I love you” to Litia during their Fantasy Suites experience. Looking back, she must feel like that room is a chamber of horrors. As per People, Grant’s on the defensive. He said:

“That was the hardest thing, but ultimately it was the best thing for Litia. For me to be in a relationship where somebody may be loving me, but I’m not receiving it the way that I want or the way that I need, it would be unfair to that person. I don’t feel like I misled – I feel like I led with my heart. I feel like it would be misleading if I made promises, but I expressed my feelings, which I do every day.”

That’s his version now, following his proposal to Juliana. However, there are two sides to every story. Juliana revealed on After The Final Rose that Grant had been making her believe she would be his wife. She said:

“We were getting engaged from, you know, the first one on one that we had in L.A. until the night before that day. I remember saying goodbye to him and saying, ‘Oh my Gosh, we are getting engaged tomorrow.’ And he said, ‘I know I can’t wait. I love you. I love you. I love you.’ Those were the last words that he said to me before I walked up there. So it was a shock.”

Grant Was Too Good To Be True

He’s Not Litia’s Prince Charming

If this is true, and judging by her shell-shocked reaction, it could be, it’s terrible. Above, via Litia‘s Instagram, she bravely moves forward, not hiding her sadness. Why should she? The emotional damage he’s inflicted is severe.

Again, Grant probably never meant to hurt anyone, but maybe he should have dialed down the Prince Charming stuff just in case. Or maybe he has trouble really putting himself in another person’s shoes. I think, if this is true, that maybe his empathy isn’t really strong, as this is such a hurtful thing to do to another person, and so easily avoided with just a little bit of truth.

It’s not easy watching female dreams die on The Bachelor – it’s sometimes hard to watch all the women competing for a man too. The show’s format creates a dynamic where the male has almost all the power to choose. Rose Sombke did leave, and maybe that was a smart decision, so women can self-eliminate if they want to. However, they’re mostly trying to impress the leading man.

If the Bachelor isn’t really clear about who he wants, some females may end up devastated. Litia is someone who’s suffering and feeling blindsided. Meanwhile, Grant says he isn’t as bad as he’s being made out to be.

I want Grant to be happy – however, I think, if even 50 percent of what Litia is saying is true, he owes her an apology. While saying he’s sorry may not be enough, it couldn’t hurt. Right now, she’s moving through a dark tunnel, where she’s revisiting her conversations and intimacy with Grant, and wondering why on earth everything unraveled.

While I wish Juliana and Grant happiness, I also think that he made mistakes, whether he owns up to them or not. I hope other Bachelors learn from this, taking more care not to hurt the women who are vying for their hearts. It’s a delicate dance on The Bachelor – a situation that requires finesse and respect.

Sources: People, Litia Garr/Instagram